What to say when someone hurts your feelings and not hide your truth

How to react when someone hurts your feelings

Ava Miles, who has recently released a new series of non-fiction books, is helping women let themselves be more comfortable expressing their inner goddesses. Miles shares with us on how to handle and what to say when someone hurts our feelings through her series The Goddess Guides to Being a Woman. If you read “Goddesses Don’t Do Drama: Removing Toxicity from Relationships,”which is one of the books from the series, it helps people get through relationship moments when they are feeling hurt or angry.

It takes courage to go from hurt to healing. What’s one of Ava’s secrets in knowing what to say when someone hurts your feelings? Transforming unhealthy relationship patterns.

According to Miles, many of us never learned how to express anger and sadness. Sometimes that may be the case because we are encouraged not to do so. We simply don’t know how to say things kindly when we’re upset. And sometimes it can make us physically ill and unhappy.

“You don’t have to walk away or wait until after the ‘f*ck you’ to speak your truth,” says Miles. It all begins with recognizing and removing victim/perpetrator language from the conversation.

What Is Victim/Perpetrator Language?

Here are some examples:

  • It’s all your fault.
  • You did this.
  • You’re to blame for this.
  • You’re wrong.
  • You’re not giving me enough.
  • This isn’t good enough.
  • You’re not pulling your weight.

Victim/perpetrator language is the language of drama. In order to get to the open-hearted, honest, loving communication we all crave — we need to begin to recognize and move away from the raised-voice or talk-to-the-hand variety. Ava invites us all to try our hand at goddess-woman language by using statements such as:

  • I feel…
  • What I think I hear you saying is…
  • This is hard for me to say, but I’d like to share this with you…
  • This doesn’t feel very loving or kind to me.
  • I want to understand.
  • My feelings are my responsibility.
  • I take responsibility for my part in _______.

“Goddess women use words that convey love, compassion, kindness, affirmation, and honesty,” says Miles. “Sure, we all have moments when we might not be able to package our feelings and thoughts into a big red bow, and that’s okay. We can be honest about that too.”

Learn more information by visiting  www.AvaMiles.com.

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A Grandfather ‘s marital advice to his grandson

A husband's advice to his grandson Joel.
How does a husband survive marriage? A grand father shares his stories and advice with his grandson and the world.

Good marital advice is priceless to millennials who struggle to navigate dating scene and feel overwhelmed by thought of marriage and a family lifestyle.  When Peter Davidson, author of various book publishers, grandson Joel got engaged, Davidson decided to jot down some words of marital wisdom to Joel.  The marital advice was based on his vast experience as a husband and thought why not share this wisdom with the world. From there, Davidson started his blog maritaladvicetomygrandsonjoel.com to share upbeat and humorous  advice and stories of married life that any engaged couple, newlywed, long-married person, or single person will find insightful and fun to read. He adds new “wisdom” to the site every week. If you subscribe to the blog, you will automatically receive each update.  Let us know what you think.

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How to cut out relationship drama: Ava Miles’ guide to being a woman

Ava Miles photographed by Karthia Zolfaghari.
Photo Credit: Kathia Zolfaghari

No matter social status, race, gender or religion, we all experience relationship challenges from time to time but there’s a hidden cause behind relationship drama and a way to end it once and for all.

International bestselling author Ava Miles, whose brand new book series “The Goddess Guides to Being a Woman” was released in August to discuss ways to remove relationship drama. Many people say they want less drama in their lives, but how many of us are actually able to identify when we are active participates on the drama and make a different choice to avert that drama?

Miles states the underlying cause of relationship drama is victim/perpetrator language … it is its own communication style, a negative style of communication. The core of the language uses guilt, shame, and manipulation to bring about desired results —classic perpetrator-style. It objectifies the parties involved, casts blame and takes no personal responsibility, and creates explosive and intractable conflict in relationships. It divides couples and prevents them from having loving interactions with others, including the people in our own family, home life, workplace, and community.

If you are living in a drama-filled relationship battered by toxic communication, you have to recognize what is going on. Here are the common strategies or phrases people use in relationships that continuously feed on drama:

* You never do anything special for me
* You always say you’re going to do it and then you don’t
* You always forget about me
* You’re not giving me enough
* You’re not pulling your weight
* This isn’t good enough
* I need more from you
* I want more from you
* This isn’t working
* I need you to do better than this

Miles says, “Goddess women speak differently. The words we use not only convey our deepest feelings and thoughts, but also our divine nature. As a goddess woman, we want to use words that are loving and kind because it’s who we truly are. We speak from our hearts. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable when saying something doesn’t come easily, when it’s a little scary to share this much of ourselves.”

Here are some examples of goddess woman language:
* I feel…
* That makes me feel like…
* What I think I hear you saying is…
* This is hard for me to say, but I’d like to share X with you…I’m not sure how to say this…
* I want to share with you
* I want you to share with me
* Can we be totally honest here?
* This doesn’t feel very loving or kind to me
* I want to understand
* My feelings are my responsibility
* I take responsibility for my part in X

For more information, visit AvaMiles.com.

About Ava Miles

International bestselling author Ava Miles calls herself a divine rockstar—something she believes everyone is deep down. With a B.A. in Rhetoric and Technical Writing and Spanish and two graduate degrees, one in International Peace Studies and another in Political Science, Ava Miles spent many years traveling the world and sharing her gifts with women and men in war-torn countries, helping them to rebuild and reintegrate their communities amidst intense struggle. She has managed multi-million-dollar projects and multi-national teams of people in the private sector, in non-profits and in domestic and international agencies as well as multilateral organizations such as the United Nations. Now, she brings that experience together with her passion for sparking joy and personal success in people’s lives, launching an all-new series of life-fulfillment books called “The Goddess Guides to Being A Woman.” With seven books in total, “The Goddess Guides” invite us all to reimagine what it means to be a modern woman—on our own terms.

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Dating with conflicting political views and how to cope : eHarmony CEO shares

Political views and love... addressing conflict.
Love and politics. Will they get the best of you? Learn how to cope when your date as different political views from yours.

Have a dating profile on eHarmony and wonder whether your political affiliation matters? If you’re looking to date women, it matters. There has been a 43% increase in women who feel like they need to make their political affiliations known. eHarmony’s CEO Grant Langston recently pulled together some practical tips on how to cope when dating someone with political differences. Here’s the scoop:

Grant Langston Eharmony CEO 2017

How to navigate this unprecedented political time while on a first date:

A first date could easily be derailed by conversations about politics. eHarmony recommends that you not make your first date a debate, but just a happy, high-level,  getting to know you meet-up.  In other words, keep it lighthearted and positive and don’t discuss details about the ex on a first date, the same holds true for any strong political opinions.

Get clear with and know where you stand in the political arena. 

If you are passionate about your political party, and it is important to you that a partner also be aligned in that way, it is best to learn the information sooner than later. By date 3 at the latest. Do not invest too much time into someone if you know this is a deal breaker.

“Everything about this guy is amazing, but he loves Trump. And I am not a fan. What do I do?” 

Assuming this is not a deal breaker for you, try to really go into a conversation with an open mind-set about why your date feels the way he does. Is it a matter of backing his policies, or does he just like the President’s personality? The more information you have, the better you can make a decision about your date’s judgment and values – and whether they align with yours.

eHarmony work life

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Deception by Melissa Sharee | Best of R &B

Deception is the story of love

Highly recommend listening to R & B Singer Melissa Sharee’s song “Deception.” It gives an honest story telling of romance and deceit.  All genres ages 21 – 65 can definitely relate to the song. Let us know your thoughts on Deception  by leaving a comment on the Youtube video.

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Swimsuit model Kate Upton chats healthy living and weddings with Yahoo Styles

Kate Upton healthy living tips with Yahoo Styles. Here she is pictured in a blue bikini.
Kate Upton shares healthy living tips and chats about her wedding day plans with Yahoo Styles.

It’s wedding season and swimsuit model Kate Upton sat down with Yahoo Style’s recently to discuss her insecurities about wearing a bikini, her weight as well as her plans for her upcoming wedding. Here are some highlights from Upton’s interview:

Swimsuit Model Kate Upton Says She’s ‘Still Not Confident in a Bathing Suit’

Yes, even a super model like Kate Upton has body image insecurities. She says she is still not confident in a bathing suit. This is why she eats healthy and sticks to a work out routine to feel at her best. Upton says:

You always have struggles. It’s not like I always feel my best. Everybody has moments where they don’t feel confident in a bikini. It’s what we’re striving for: self-love. We work our way up. When I don’t feel my best, that’s OK.”

Yahoo Styles asked Upton is she trying to lose wait for her wedding day. The answer is no because she is not worried about a number. Why won’t Upton lose weight for her wedding? Here’s her complete answer:

“Honestly, because coming from the fashion world, weight — when I first started modeling — was very important. How much you weighed, how much you needed to lose, whatever it was…I’m not trying to be fit for a number on a scale. Whenever I’m happiest, I try to maintain that. I don’t need a number.”

Upton does not even stick to a strict diet. Instead, she tries to eat healthy, work out and keep up a healthy lifestyle. Upton does this because she wants to allow herself the freedom to enjoy what she eats. In the interview Upton admits “I weight-train, which also really helps raise my metabolism and gives me the ability to enjoy food.” 

Read the full interview at Yahoo Styles now to learn more about Upton’s healthy living, upcoming wedding and more.

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Healing relationships by mending with our parents

Bad parenting and to mend relationships with parents

With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, people are searching for ways to honor their parents. But what about those who have unhappy or estranged relationships with their parents? Veteran holistic physician and author Dr. Bradley Nelson is here to discuss how to let go of emotional baggage we hold onto from our relationships with our parents.

Healing Relationships and Preventing Drama for Adult Kids

As grownups we often have a hard time letting go of painful emotions associated with our parents due to our vulnerability when we were kids – the people who know us the best sometimes can hurt us the most. Dr. Nelson, author of the bestselling book The Emotion Code, has been treating patients and researching and lecturing internationally for more than 20 years on healing “trapped emotions” that damage our health and wellbeing.

“All of us experience negative emotional extremes at times. Sometimes, for reasons that we do not yet understand, emotions do not process completely. In these cases, instead of us simply experiencing the emotion and then moving on, the energy of the emotion somehow becomes ‘trapped’ within the physical body,” he explains. “So instead of moving beyond your angry moment, or a temporary bout with grief or depression, this negative emotional energy can remain within your body, potentially causing significant physical and emotional stress.”

Dr. Nelson can expand on these tips for releasing emotional baggage:

  1. Take into account your parents’ emotional baggage. Heart-Walls™ are energetic barriers made of accumulated trapped negative emotions that can prevent people from freely giving and receiving love. When we understand that our parents’ hearts may be blocked by fear, anger or other negative emotions, it can help us to have compassion, forgive and let go of our own emotional baggage.
  1. Speak your mind without creating drama. Dr. Nelson shares how to cope with insensitive family members – and where to draw the line. The key: “Make it a non-emotional situation.”
  1. Learn from your parents’ mistakes. Look at mistakes in a positive light – they helped you learn what NOT to do.

Above all, we should seek to approach our relationships with our parents with humility rather than blame. “Your parents are just human, they’re not supposed to be more,” he advises.

About Dr. Bradley Nelson

Dr. Bradley Nelson has lectured internationally on the natural healing of chronic illness and successfully treated patients from across the US and Canada for more than 20 years. He has trained more than 2,500 practitioners worldwide on how to help people overcome unresolved anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness and other negative emotions and the physical symptoms associated them. Dr. Nelson is one of the world’s foremost experts in the emerging fields of Bioenergetic Medicine and Energy Psychology. His bestselling book “The Emotion Code” is helping people all over the world to improve their lives easily and quickly. Download a free copy of The Emotion Code in both audio and .pdf versions, including step-by-step instructions for working with the body’s healing power at EmotionCodeGift.com.

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New Survey: How 3,500 College Students Use Dating Apps

Abodo, an apartment search platform, interviewed 3,500 college students to uncover how and why they use the dating site Tinder and other dating apps that revealed surprising results. To see the full report, read ‘Swipe Right for Love?’.

How are college students using dating apps? INFOGRAPHIC

Key Findings

  • 37% of men DO NOT think using dating apps while in a relationship is cheating.
  • 31.5% of female app users said they would NEVER hook-up on a first date.
  • 9.4% of male app users said they would NEVER hook-up on a first date.
  • 84% of college students prefer Tinder over any other dating app.
  • 91% of college students are primarily NOT using the apps for hook-ups.
  • 27% say that they’ve been sexually harassed on dating apps (Grindr and OkCupid report the highest rates).

Which dating apps are college students using the most?

First-Date Hookup

What's the goal when using a dating app?

Thoughts on the Survey

It surprises us at Fromgirltogirl how many college students prefer to use Tinder because that particular dating app is for hook ups for the most part. We assumed there would be more of a balance of hook-up culture and wanting a monogamous relationship but the survey indicates less people are looking for just hook ups. A finding that did not surprise us were the number of men using dating apps and not considering it as cheating while in a relationship. We feel this is accurate because men define cheating differently than women. We have even heard men define a need for sexual interactions with multiple partners while in a relationship as something fun to do – not thinking how it could emotionally or physically harm a significant other. As for women saying they would never hook-up on a first date, we believe that is based on not wanting to be seen as too promiscuous versus not having the thought to hook-up on a first date.

A physically attractive person that one enjoys the company of is hard to resist. It is a temptation from the start because it’s desire. Just because a woman says she would never hook-up on a first date, it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t if the opportunity came into fruition. However, we do feel more men in comparison to women would jump at the chance to hook-up on a first date. More shockingly, we are shocked that 91% of college students are not using dating apps for hook-ups. Are students looking for steady dating but lost hope in face-to-face first introductions? It is definitely something to look more into. Chat with Fromgirltogirl on Facebook and Twitter to let us know what works and doesn’t work for you when using dating apps. What is your primary reason for using dating apps? We would love to hear from you.

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Office romance gone right: An ‘Updater’ love story – helping people move

We’ve all heard stories of forbidden office romance. Some too easily crash and burn while others go perfectly well.  For two techie loves birds that’s exactly what happened and you won’t believe where they found love … in the moving industry. The couple, John and Landis, met at work, at the relocation technology company, Updater. Their love story is a complicated one, but it ends with a chance encounter with an industry friend on a plane and an impromptu proposal right there at 30,000 feet in the air. She said ‘Yes!’

Some may say this is an unconventional love story and we hd the chance to connect with the happy couple to hear them explain in their own words how the moving industry changed their lives in a way they never could have imagined.

 

How Updater changed John and Landis’ life for the better

From the start, everything about Updater was fated. On the very same day, my dad and my best friend each told me about the company. I knew right then that Updater was the place for me. John was a Senior Engineer at Updater, and although we didn’t work closely together, I always thought he was handsome and an all-around good guy. On the same day that John left to start BeADoer.io, he asked me on our first date. We both realized quickly that this love was meant to be; all thanks to Updater, and the co-workers we prefer to call friends.

Updater moving industry company office romance goes right

About Updater

Updater is a time-saving tool that helps your clients organize and complete all of their moving-related tasks, from transferring utilities, to updating accounts and records, to forwarding mail, and much more– all in one easy-to-use platform. For your next office move, reach out to Updater to save hours on dreaded moving drama.  Moves have many moving parts and 15,000+ businesses have partnered with Updater to make moving easier for you, with more joining daily.

Updater makes moving easier for the 17 million households that relocate every year in the US. With Updater, users seamlessly transfer utilities, update accounts and records, forward mail, and much more. Hundreds of the most prominent real estate companies in the US (from real estate brokerages to multifamily and relocation companies) rely on Updater’s real estate products to save clients hours with a branded and personalized Updater moving experience.

Headquartered in New York City, Updater has raised over $50 million from leading investors, including SoftBank Capital, IA Ventures, Commerce Ventures, Second Century Ventures (the strategic investment arm of the National Association of Realtors®), and more. Learn more at Updater.com.

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Love and Fashion: How to rock your lingerie with confidence

Built-In Bra Chemise and Thong by lingerie designer Psyche Terry.
Goddess Built-In Bra Chemise & Thong created by Inspire Psyche Terry.

Do you know that more than 90% of women are unhappy with their bodies? Another study shows that what we wear can have a significant impact on our self-esteem. Fashion entrepreneur and women’s empowerment expert Psyche Terry shares her tips for how to build the confidence you need from the bra strap on out. Her new line of lingerie and sleepwear, “Inspire Psyche Terry,” is helping women sized 4 – 24 to look and feel confident and beautiful. Here are some of her top tips  for rocking lingerie like a queen with confidence.

Top Tips to Rock Your Lingerie with Confidence

  1. You are not alone. There is a huge number of women who lack confidence; it’s not just you. This is something that even famous, beautiful women struggle with and the first step to overcoming it is to recognize the issue and face it head on.
  2. You are not the problem. Your products are. According to a UK survey conducted by Simply Be, from a sample of 2,000 women ages 18 – 34, 55% reported feeling more confident in a perfectly fitting bra. Sadly though, 80% of women are not wearing the right size bra. How many women would be trying new bras and style if they had options that truly fit their figure, specifically designed to enhance their shape? Many more.
  3. Just go for it. In the end, you have to take a leap of faith. Start small and work your way up. You may not jump right to a thong, but maybe start with a new, exciting color or a sexy nightgown that flatters your body shape. Everyone’s comfort zone is different so do what’s doable for you but still bold enough to challenge you.

About Psyche Terry

UI Global Brands, LLC founder and Chief Inspiration Officer Psyche Terry was born in small-town Michigan. Raised by her great-aunt, Psyche strove to overcome limited economic circumstances and today is a successful woman, entrepreneur, wife and mother to three children. Through her #GirlsThatRock program, Psyche travels all over the country sharing inspiration and wisdom with high-school girls, encouraging them to believe in their dreams and apply to college. She also serves on the Board of Directors for Boys & Girls Clubs of Collin County, MI and is a member of Project Help Us Give. Additionally, Psyche is a fitness competition body builder, foodie and nutrition enthusiast. Psyche’s new line of Greek-inspired lingerie and sleepwear, “Inspire Psyche Terry,” was created to help women of a range of body types feel empowered and beautiful throughout the day. A modern-day Wonder Woman, Psyche is changing how women feel about themselves, from the bra strap on out. For more information, visit InspirePsycheTerry.com.

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