Ava Miles, who has recently released a new series of non-fiction books, is helping women let themselves be more comfortable expressing their inner goddesses. Miles shares with us on how to handle and what to say when someone hurts our feelings through her series “The Goddess Guides to Being a Woman.” If you read “Goddesses Don’t Do Drama: Removing Toxicity from Relationships,”which is one of the books from the series, it helps people get through relationship moments when they are feeling hurt or angry.
It takes courage to go from hurt to healing. What’s one of Ava’s secrets in knowing what to say when someone hurts your feelings? Transforming unhealthy relationship patterns.
According to Miles, many of us never learned how to express anger and sadness. Sometimes that may be the case because we are encouraged not to do so. We simply don’t know how to say things kindly when we’re upset. And sometimes it can make us physically ill and unhappy.
“You don’t have to walk away or wait until after the ‘f*ck you’ to speak your truth,” says Miles. It all begins with recognizing and removing victim/perpetrator language from the conversation.
What Is Victim/Perpetrator Language?
Here are some examples:
- It’s all your fault.
- You did this.
- You’re to blame for this.
- You’re wrong.
- You’re not giving me enough.
- This isn’t good enough.
- You’re not pulling your weight.
Victim/perpetrator language is the language of drama. In order to get to the open-hearted, honest, loving communication we all crave — we need to begin to recognize and move away from the raised-voice or talk-to-the-hand variety. Ava invites us all to try our hand at goddess-woman language by using statements such as:
- I feel…
- What I think I hear you saying is…
- This is hard for me to say, but I’d like to share this with you…
- This doesn’t feel very loving or kind to me.
- I want to understand.
- My feelings are my responsibility.
- I take responsibility for my part in _______.
“Goddess women use words that convey love, compassion, kindness, affirmation, and honesty,” says Miles. “Sure, we all have moments when we might not be able to package our feelings and thoughts into a big red bow, and that’s okay. We can be honest about that too.”
Learn more information by visiting www.AvaMiles.com.