By Briana Booker
In recent months, my thoughts on men have changed for the better. I have always been taught to be suspicious of every man. I have been told from men and women alike, that men “ain’t shit.” Although some men “ain’t shit” others, even with imperfections, are worth lowering the steel walls we, as women, build to protect ourselves.
Those steel walls can prevent us from finding a good man. I would know. I use to keep any intimate partner at a distance to keep “control” of the situation and protect my emotions.
Caring about someone can make you vulnerable if you have no idea where you stand with the person. You learn where you stand by communicating with your intimate partner.
Men and women communicate very differently from each other. The man in my life has taught me that we are different but also the same. Both are looking for the right one. We are also working on personal growth and our careers. Previously, that threaten me in relationships but to see this man grow as an individual is honestly beautiful to me. I want to look out for him. He goes out his way to protect me, even from myself.
An example of this was when I was mad at him not doing something when I wanted him to do it. He instantly asked me why I was mad. I honestly did not have a good reason to be mad besides not getting my way about something petty.
That is when I remembered a few weeks ago we promised each other we would not go to sleep angry at each other as an action to build the strength of our relationship. I was the one who requested this action be done in our relationship and here I was trying to make an argument over something petty.
This is when I realized my actions matter to someone beyond myself. It was a scary thought but at the same time I felt my soul smile. I kissed him good night and he opened the door. I thought once I got to my car he would have just forgotten about me and went back to what he was doing in his home. Instead I saw him watching me from the window at the front door. I texted him “Why are you looking out the window?” He replies back while still looking through the window: “Ha. Just Checking to see if you were ok since you didn’t move.” I told him I could take care of myself. Again, I was falling into old habits from bad relationships with my “I don’t need you” persona I mastered in unhealthy relationships.
But then I realize, he is not my past but my present. So I just smiled and he checked up on me when I got home as well. It felt good to not only be wanted but that I am cared for by someone who chose me.
I realized the best thing to do is live in the now. Do not linger in the past. And do not think too far in the future. If we are meant to be, then we will be. We just can not jump to conclusions and keep communicating, even if we fear the unknown.
I was bruised but I was never broken. He shows me it is still okay to bring out the best in me.
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