How to cut out relationship drama: Ava Miles’ guide to being a woman

Ava Miles photographed by Karthia Zolfaghari.
Photo Credit: Kathia Zolfaghari

No matter social status, race, gender or religion, we all experience relationship challenges from time to time but there’s a hidden cause behind relationship drama and a way to end it once and for all.

International bestselling author Ava Miles, whose brand new book series “The Goddess Guides to Being a Woman” was released in August to discuss ways to remove relationship drama. Many people say they want less drama in their lives, but how many of us are actually able to identify when we are active participates on the drama and make a different choice to avert that drama?

Miles states the underlying cause of relationship drama is victim/perpetrator language … it is its own communication style, a negative style of communication. The core of the language uses guilt, shame, and manipulation to bring about desired results —classic perpetrator-style. It objectifies the parties involved, casts blame and takes no personal responsibility, and creates explosive and intractable conflict in relationships. It divides couples and prevents them from having loving interactions with others, including the people in our own family, home life, workplace, and community.

If you are living in a drama-filled relationship battered by toxic communication, you have to recognize what is going on. Here are the common strategies or phrases people use in relationships that continuously feed on drama:

* You never do anything special for me
* You always say you’re going to do it and then you don’t
* You always forget about me
* You’re not giving me enough
* You’re not pulling your weight
* This isn’t good enough
* I need more from you
* I want more from you
* This isn’t working
* I need you to do better than this

Miles says, “Goddess women speak differently. The words we use not only convey our deepest feelings and thoughts, but also our divine nature. As a goddess woman, we want to use words that are loving and kind because it’s who we truly are. We speak from our hearts. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable when saying something doesn’t come easily, when it’s a little scary to share this much of ourselves.”

Here are some examples of goddess woman language:
* I feel…
* That makes me feel like…
* What I think I hear you saying is…
* This is hard for me to say, but I’d like to share X with you…I’m not sure how to say this…
* I want to share with you
* I want you to share with me
* Can we be totally honest here?
* This doesn’t feel very loving or kind to me
* I want to understand
* My feelings are my responsibility
* I take responsibility for my part in X

For more information, visit AvaMiles.com.

About Ava Miles

International bestselling author Ava Miles calls herself a divine rockstar—something she believes everyone is deep down. With a B.A. in Rhetoric and Technical Writing and Spanish and two graduate degrees, one in International Peace Studies and another in Political Science, Ava Miles spent many years traveling the world and sharing her gifts with women and men in war-torn countries, helping them to rebuild and reintegrate their communities amidst intense struggle. She has managed multi-million-dollar projects and multi-national teams of people in the private sector, in non-profits and in domestic and international agencies as well as multilateral organizations such as the United Nations. Now, she brings that experience together with her passion for sparking joy and personal success in people’s lives, launching an all-new series of life-fulfillment books called “The Goddess Guides to Being A Woman.” With seven books in total, “The Goddess Guides” invite us all to reimagine what it means to be a modern woman—on our own terms.

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