New study shows cheaters prioritize affair partners over spouses

Valentine's Day chocolates in a box

Happy Valentine’s Day! Ashley Madison has just released a new study examining how cheaters juggle their marriage and their affairs on Valentine’s Day. Turns out cheaters prioritize affair partners over spouses on V-Day.

Check out key findings

  • 30% of cheaters rather spend V-Day w/ their affair partners
  • Cheaters are spending upwards of $250 on affair partners
  • Nearly one-third of cheaters celebrate Valentine’s Day with their affair partner

No more sidelines for the Side Piece this Valentine’s Day

Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website, used its unprecedented access to people who cheat to find out how members juggle the romantic responsibility of celebrating their marriage and their extramarital relationship on the special day.  As it turns out, cheaters spend Valentine’s Day very differently between their two partners and prioritizing a spouse is no longer the status quo with almost a third (28%) of survey respondents opting to spend it with their affair partner.

Spouse vs. Mistress/Misteress

With extramarital partners,  people often aren’t looking to replace their spouse, they’re looking to fulfill unmet needs. That said, it’s clear there is a shift happening and the affair partner is rising up the ranks as it pertains to partner priority.

“Typically, holidays and special occasions are reserved for the spouse and the affair partner is sidelined,” says Isabella Mise, Director of Communications at Ashley Madison. “But for Valentine’s Day this year, we’re seeing that affairs of the heart can lead to new traditions with a greater importance being placed on the extramarital relationship.”

Also interesting is that respondents spend about the same amount of money on their primary partner as they do for their affair partner. According to the survey, more than a third of respondents say they spend between $100-$250 on their affair partner, while the same amount (36%) say they spend $100-$250 when asked how much they spend on their spouse. This is surprising because you’d think the main romantic holiday of the year would be reserved for the primary partner, but this implies there is no real distinction between how they view the importance of each relationship.

 Cheaters spend the same amount on their spouse and affair partner, but spend the money in different ways.

When asked, 71% of respondents say they celebrate Valentine’s Day with their affair partner by having sex, whereas 73% spend Valentine’s Day with their spouse by having dinner. Cheaters are likely spending their money on their spouse during dinner while spending the same amount on things like a hotel room for the affair partner.

“Between how they spend their money and how they spend their time, the members surveyed are demonstrating that there is an increased investment being made with affair partners,” says Mise. “It will be interesting to see if this shift continues.”

 

*Survey of 1,638 members of Ashley Madison between January 25, 2018 to February 5, 2018

 

Continue Reading

Why people cheat: Filling the emotional voids

Emotional affairs and cheating correlate according to a new Ashley Madison study

Today Ashley Madison released a new study examining why people cheat. The main takeaway: besides sex, affair partners are helping cheaters fill emotional voids that spouses aren’t. Here are key findings from the study:

  • Cheaters found more affection (44%) and friendship (42%) w/ affair partners vs. spouses
  • Cheaters say affair partners helped them regain confidence (29%) and feel more desired (48%)

The full study has more interesting data. Here are highlights:

According to the survey, sex is the number one reason people choose to cheat (61%), but the other reasons also show a great deal about why some relationships experience infidelity. Cheaters are actively trying to fill a void in their lives, in their marriages, and in their relationships. Some want to expand the physical elements like exploring new desires (45%), while others are looking for emotional reassurance like affection (44%), friendship (42%) and the feeling of butterflies again (30%).

“The reasons why people cheat are very telling of the types of relationships that people find themselves in,” says Isabella Mise, Director of Communications for Ashley Madison. “When sex and intimacy fade, often times monogamy becomes a struggle for our members but they don’t want to leave their partner altogether. Infidelity is an avenue for them to have certain needs met and stay happy in their primary relationship.”

Stray to Stay

Infidelity is often portrayed as an immoral act and is rarely looked at in a positive light. But the members of AshleyMadison.com aren’t necessarily looking to leave their spouse, they are looking to repair the emptiness that they are feeling. People find themselves in a family, in a loving marriage, in financial stability yet are lacking specific areas in those relationships. And that’s why sex comes up as a top reason for why people cheat. This doesn’t mean they’re looking to fully replace their spouse as 54% survey respondents are only seeking short-term dating. Furthermore, 50% of respondents said they cheat and not leave their spouse because they love their partner but are just looking for more sexual fulfillment.

As a result, survey respondents have revealed what it is they like about having affairs allows them to return to their marriage and their household unit as a happier more satisfied partner. Not surprisingly, for the majority it came down to the fact their sexual needs were met (76%).  For others it made them feel more alive (51%), they felt desired (48%), their emotional needs were met (37%), and they regained their confidence (29%). These are all areas of life that people need to feel secure and be happy, and they get that from finding what they need outside of the marriage when their partner is unable to give them that.

Sure cheating comes with some downsides like potentially getting caught. But for the members of AshleyMadison.com, they aren’t too worried about it. When asked, 71% of respondents said they don’t feel guilty about cheating on their partner, nor is it the top concern for cheaters when entering an affair. So when it comes to cheating, is the risk worth the reward? If the reward means being happy again, then it seems like the answer is yes.

Continue Reading