Envy could be hurting that one woman who sings better than a room full of women. Envy can emotionally hurt a woman that has the best grades in her class. Jealousy can harm the emotional and physical state of a woman who wants to fight another woman that is interested in her man.You do not want envy and jealousy to rule your life purpose.

I hate to break it to you, but we as women all have the potential to be  jealous, envious people. Even you, have the potential to be a conniving, backstabbing, gremlin. Jealousy is an evil trait that flows into our bloodstreams. It is easily set off because of uncontrollable events and if it is not managed well, can turn a seemingly decent woman into her own worst nightmare.

You are definitely lying to me, as well as to your own friends, if you say you have never been jealous of anyone or have done anything harmful due to envy. We all have. We cannot wash our past sins with white lies. What is done is done.

As women we have been stereotyped as manipulative, conniving witches since the dawn of mankind. It is up to us women to come together and stop ruining our lives by behaving the way most men expect us to behave. Even though you cannot go back and erase your past sins due to jealousy, there are ways to combat it before you act upon it.

For starters, you need to be able to identify within yourself when you start acting jealous. Here is how to detect signs of jealousy:

• Do you feel inferior to someone for her accomplishments (boyfriend, grades, friends, talents, etc)?
• Do you feel threatened by a woman and try to belittle her accomplishments?
• Do you try to manipulate someone because you do not believe the person deserves what  she worked hard to accomplish or gain?
• Do you belittle, put down or condescend people because you feel threatened by them?
• Do you react negatively to women doing well for themselves?

If you feel like this is true about you, then I want you to know that it is okay, you are human. It is hard to not change your feelings, even if you are a very confident woman. However, it is bad to act out on your jealous behavior and hurt someone. It is also bad to react to a jealous woman who is threatened by you. By doing so, you are giving her what she wants – a negative reaction.

Jealous women try to create emotional warfare amongst other women to lower them to their level.  For example, let us say you have an internship and a jealous woman envys you for always getting there on time, being well-liked and working hard. You know she is  jealous by the way she puts you down as an idiot in front of everyone and purposefully sabotages your projects. She also spreads malicious rumors about you behind your back. She may also be the same person who copies the way you talk, dress or act since she wishes she had what you have in life.

Sounds familiar?

It is easy to feel envious towards her as well and react negatively against her. That is what she wants you to do.

We have all been in the role of the victim and the perpetrator when it comes to the game of jealousy.

Here is  how we as women can combat our own jealous behaviors:

• Do not compete with her. When you feel threatened by a peer, realize that you are not placed on earth to be like someone else. You are placed on earth to be you and to only compete with yourself to be the best person you can be.

• You deserve the best. When you feel like you are at your lowest,write up 25 great qualities you have. Doing this exercise will not only distract you but pull you into a better mood.

• Carry your pride with you. Always carry your 25 great qualities with you. When you feel like you are about to feel insecure about yourself, read the qualities.

• Stop gossiping about other women. Remember that gossiping about someone and putting them down are clear signs of jealousy ( if  that person did not do anything vicious to you). Not only is it bad behavior but it also makes you into someone who does not deserve respect. You become a petty gossip. If you feel the need to put someone down, try to evaluate your own behavior.  Think.  Would you want someone to do that to you?

• Do not behave the way she does. If someone is picking on you, do not react! If you do, she wins. Avoid the jealous hater and realize that she only wants what you have right now. Be proud and humble to be you.

• Think positive. Just because someone is better than you at a skill does not  make you a useless person. There are many beautiful traits you have as a woman, always remember that.

• Be kind. Just because you dislike the woman, does not mean you have to put her down for it. A confident person will look at the sunny side of a situation and be kind. You do not have to be friends with everyone(since different personality traits can clash) but remember that people are always watching and judging. Do not give them a reason to judge you when you already know you are a wonderful and kind person.

• Get a hobby. Hobbies, sports and volunteering are great ways for women to develop a stronger sense of identity and feel more confident about their own abilities.

By Sherryn Daniel

Sherryn Daniel is a graduate student working on her Masters in Management. Aside from grad school, she maintains her widely popular website: www.sherryndaniel.com which has recently been nominated for a CBS Blog award and Baltimore sun Mobbies award.  Check out Sherryn’s website as well as well as www.fromgirltogirl.com for more guest entries by her.

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