By Zachary “Buddha” Bernstein

You know what I hate most about the Tea Party?  How they claim that they are suffering under taxation without representation.  Are you, now?  No, my hyper-caffeinated friends – you are suffering under taxation without the representation you want.  Depending where you are from, you may be in the majority on that opinion, but hey, at least you have someone to vote out of office and yell at for voting the wrong way on the health care bill.
      I, on the other hand, am a lifetime resident of Washington, DC.  You want taxation without representation?  Well, when you stop in here for your tax day protests, check our license plates.  “Taxation without Representation,” right there at the bottom. We actually do have this dilemma.  We pay federal taxes, just like you.  We bitch about it, just like you.  We, however, do not have a vote in Congress – unlike you.
      Of course, if the Washington Post is to be believed – and are they, that liberal rag? – That may not be the case for long.  One day before the tax day protests, they reported that congressional leaders plan to reintroduce a bill that would give Washington, DC a vote in Congress for the first time in centuries.
      Before you start whooping and hollering about democracy for all, there is the caveat from hell: The bill will likely, according to the Post, include language stripping the city government of most restrictions on gun-related issues.  Concealed carry?  Check.  Assault rifles?  Check.  Local control?  No check.
      And while our non-voting delegate, Eleanor Holmes Norton, is trying to water that language down as much as possible, she is quoted as saying this “is the best chance we’ve had to get a House vote for D.C. in my lifetime.”  So expect some of that language to stay in the finished product.  If we want a vote, we will probably need to take all the gun restrictions too.
      What really sucks about that part of the bill is that it was inserted by people from other states who were more concerned about forcing their views on a government they have no relation with, against the wishes of the people who actually live here.  To all the people who live somewhere other than Washington – how would you feel if we used our vote to force you all to convert to Scientology?  Pretty peeved, right?  Trust me when I say I know how you feel.
      And to be sure, the battle does not end here.  If the bill somehow passes Congress, it will be reviewed by the Supreme Court. 
 I know they are supposed to be the fair and final arbiter on Constitutional matters, but I trust these nine with nothing right now.  It could easily be rejected, even though it easily passes muster.
      But at least we are taking a step in the right direction.  We are going to step on a few thorns in doing so, but as an American living in the last American colony, I think it is  probably worth it.
      Suck on that, Tea Partiers.