By: Taushauna Burrel 

Four years ago on a sunny February morning in Michigan, I woke up to one of the worst surprises I ever received. On this morning, it was my turn to experience what my doctor coldly described as common and the body’s natural way of spontaneously aborting my child.

I was going through a miscarriage. I sat there with this truth and her facts, while my head begin to create more questions, that my voice was too paralyzed to make known. The silence begin, and the unheroic superwoman emerged.

The Unrecognizable Woman That Emerges

In the moment, I received the news of my miscarriage, like most women, there were loud mental and spiritual nuances in the room overshadowing the silence of the news bearer. I could hear and feel the issues attached to the pain I felt blaring loudly in the echoes of my empty womb. It was the noise of blame, shame, guilt, denial, and even depression. These feelings followed me daily. It seemed that the more I would look for someone that understood exactly what I was going through and solutions to this pain, the quieter the hope of productive healing became and the louder the blame or the shame would become. 

As a result, I decided to compartmentalize my pain, and cling to the age-old stigma, that I was a STRONG black woman, and could conquer this on my own.

I begin to wear my silence as a badge of strength and became my own superhero. I decided that I would work my way through this unfortunate series of events, and then she emerged as the Superwoman.

To numb and avoid the pain of processing this reality, I threw myself into work at home and in my office. I became the woman who faced everything and nothing at the same time. I nurtured everyone else that was affected by the miscarriage. I suffered. But I found ways to help others heal, while avoiding my own healing process.

I would go one to experience 3 more losses that year, and while my superwoman seemingly helped me in the beginning ultimately she delayed my process of healing while I also endured some unhealthy lows and behaviors that I grew to regret. 

The End of Silence

Today, I recognize that in those moments I was actually my weakest and lowest; the avoidance of pain and deference of outside help is not “strong.” I realize that it was not my job to become my own superhero. Miscarriage is not a battle that requires strength; it’s one that requires strategy and a tribe. 

Taushauna Burrel 

The woman who finds herself loss in the struggle of silence and superwoman syndrome, I offer the advice to reach out to women like you. In moments when the pain is the most unbearable, SPEAK UP and give victory to your voice! Share your story and connect with people that carry the strategy and solutions to help you overcome. 

Taushauna Burrel

Taushauna Burrel is a pregnancy and infant loss solutionist, and the CEO & Founder of The Addison Grace Project, a coaching and consulting company that works directly with parents providing solutions to help conquer the pain of child loss and champion the legacy of their child(ren). When she is not coaching, Taushauna is podcasting on Addison’s Place, The Miscarriage Podcast or traveling the world speaking and hosting events that empower the voices of women.  Follow her on Instagram @taushaunaburrel and @theaddisongraceproject. Feel free to schedule a free consultation with her by clicking here.